NICOLE’S JOURNAL

NICOLE’S JOURNAL was first published in the December, 2013 issue of Spark, a leading Indian literary magazine. Here’s the link: Here’s the link: http://www.sparkthemagazine.com/nicoles-journal/

The living room was bathed in warm sunlight as Nicole Varghese settled down into her favourite armchair with a mug of steaming coffee and the journal. It was a beautiful December morning and she could hear the birds chirping merrily in the balcony of her three-bedroom Bandra apartment. Nicole took a sip of the hot, aromatic brew and picked up the journal. As she felt her fingers close upon it, she almost wanted to let out a whoop of joy. It had been a long time and it was like finding a long-lost friend again. She smiled to herself as she fingered the gold lettering of the title on the leather cover. It was an old journal but in good condition since she’d had it leather bound a few years ago. The cover was a glossy mahogany colour and the pages were rather loosely bound together so that she could open it to a full 180 degrees. Thick thread had been used to secure the binding.

She opened the journal and instantly, a wave of memories washed over her. Her wedding, birthdays, Dennis’s first Christmas, his first day at preschool, family vacations… Much as she would have liked to, she knew she didn’t have the time to read all the entries, so she went straight to the date of her wedding. 5th December, 2003. Ten years! Clichéd as it might sound, time had certainly flown. But it had been a fulfilling ten years in every way. As she closed her eyes now, she could almost envision it as though it had happened just yesterday. It had been a glorious December afternoon in Kottayam and they’d both looked wonderful in their wedding finery. Jason had been clean shaven then, she remembered. They’d been quite the besotted couple. Love’s young dream! They’d stood so reverently in front of the priest and exchanged their vows. She of course, had been totally overwhelmed with emotion and had ceremoniously burst into tears almost as soon as the priest had declared them man and wife. Barely aware of the smile that was already playing on her lips, Nicole turned her attention back to the journal. As she read the entry now, she almost felt transported back to the day when she’d been quite the blushing bride ten years ago. ‘Today was the best day of my life. I thought getting married would be a frightening experience but it wasn’t. I suppose that’s what happens when you’re truly in love with someone. I can’t wait to start a happily ever after life with Jason.’

After that, she repeatedly turned the pages to the same date, only the year was different every time. Their first anniversary had been an event to remember. Nicole stared longingly at the words written in her neat, lucid handwriting on the page in front of her. ‘Tonight’s party was like a dream come true. I thought it was a bit silly but Jason insisted I wear my wedding dress. We danced to Red Red Wine afterwards. I have never been happier than this. It was like being queen for a day.’

She turned the page and smiled. The second one had been even better. ‘We woke up to the sound of the waves this morning. The ship had docked at Malta for the day. Jason served me tea in bed and it was the most delicious over brewed English Breakfast tea I have ever tasted. Later, we roamed the streets hand in hand, just like they do in the movies and then had dinner on the deck under a starlit sky.’ Poetic! Nicole shook her head at how idealistic young people in love are.

She read and re-read the entries several times and giggled almost like a little girl as long forgotten memories re surfaced after so long. She was pregnant with Dennis on her fifth one and even though she’d been listless and cranky, Jason had insisted on the party. ‘The party was fun but I couldn’t wait to get to bed. I didn’t even eat any dinner tonight because of the nausea. Even the fried fish that I usually love, tasted like cardboard. The fact that I couldn’t drink any of the champagne that was flowing freely, didn’t help either. Jason was incredibly sweet though. He even got me lots of maternity clothes as an anniversary present.’

The sixth one had been quieter, she remembered. Short weekend in Lonavala. Dennis had been only seven months old and even though her mother had assured her that she would take complete care, Nicole hadn’t been keen on leaving him for more than one night. ‘The drive was lovely, all misty hills and blue skies. I did feel pretty torn though and was wracked with paroxysms of guilt for leaving Dennis behind but it was nice to spend some quality time with Jason. Between night after night of no sleep, a demanding work schedule and post-partum depression, this was certainly a welcome respite.’ Nicole smiled wistfully as she turned the pages and shook her head ruefully when she came to the next date. ‘It feels strange to be sitting home in my PJ’s on our anniversary. It’s eight o’clock in the evening and Jason still hasn’t returned from work. Dennis has a bad bout of colic, I haven’t slept in two nights and celebration is actually the furthest thing from my mind. I guess we’ll be eating Dal Chawal tonight.’ Childish, thought Nicole as she read the entry. She laughed as she remembered how depressed she’d been that evening. Even the enormous bouquet of flowers that Jason had brought her when he’d finally returned at ten o’clock hadn’t cheered her up. She turned the pages of the journal then and sighed. There were no further entries. The last two ones had been pretty uneventful. They’d both become too busy with work, home and Dennis and there had been no more time for crazy, youthful shenanigans. Jason had promised her however that they’d make up. “Our tenth’s coming up this year,” he’d said to her one evening “We have to do something special. How about a week in Venice? It’s the most romantic city, the Palazzos are sublime and you, my darling, would look lovely on a gondola. Dennis can stay with his grandparents for a few days.” Nicole had laughed at him and called him over ambitious but he’d insisted that he meant it. This had been said almost six months ago but just as she’d expected, it just hadn’t happened.

She closed the journal and glanced at the clock. She almost instantly gasped when she saw the time. She’d been sitting there for over two hours and she had to be at work soon. Quickly rising from the armchair, she hurried to the bedroom. She opened her closet and then trying her best to quell her disappointment, she stuffed the journal back into it, behind all those piles of clothes where it would lie, forgotten for some time.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. As a matter of fact, it hardly felt like a special day and Nicole was admittedly, disappointed. In fact, as unbelievable as it was, she’d almost forgotten that it was their anniversary when Jason finally rang the doorbell at 9:30 that night. Dennis was already in bed by then and Nicole could almost feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she went to open the door. Trying to pull herself together, she shook her head impatiently. All that reminiscing that morning had made her teary and weepy. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she swung the door open. “Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart.” She could hardly see him behind the enormous bouquet of red roses that he was holding. Blinking her tears back, Nicole stepped forward to envelop him into a hug. There hadn’t been any time for sweet nothings that morning. As they stood there, savoring the warmth of each other in the balmy Mumbai night air, both of them were thinking exactly the same thing. It just didn’t seem like ten years. It had all passed by so quickly.

‘I never imagined that a man as predictable as Jason could surprise me but he certainly did. So we’re not going to Venice after all but I’ve always loved Goa! And the weather will be glorious this time of year. It’s all settled, Dennis will be staying with his grandparents for five days and Jason’s even got my leave approved from my boss on my behalf. He certainly didn’t do things halfway this time. My eyes were as round as dinner plates when he showed me the air tickets and hotel confirmation. He said he couldn’t let this occasion just pass us by. After all, it’s our tenth! I’m so excited! I just love beach holidays! I wonder if I’m too old for a bikini. I guess not since Jason did say that I still look exactly like the same girl he married ten years ago. It’s been a wonderful tenth anniversary after all!’

Nicole smiled to herself and closed the leather bound journal with a satisfied sigh. She opened the drawer of her side table and placed the journal carefully into it. It was after all, one of her most prized possessions and ought to be preserved for posterity. She turned off the light and got into bed beside Jason. He was already fast asleep and snoring rhythmically. Closing her eyes, she slipped into the crook of her husband’s arm and almost instantly, fell asleep.